Small things that you do naturally or unconsciously can undermine your power and authority in very significant ways. It is important as part of your journey and as part of your mindfulness practices, to analyse more closely how you sacrifice your own power.
Now you may well be wondering what this concept is: put simply your power and authority are your confidence, your presence in the world. In reality power and authority are one and the same.
Keeping yourself in your power is not about how assertive your are or how loud you are, it’s about being confident and knowing your worth. It’s about saying things and taking actions that impress your authority on the world while keeping out of your ego, arrogance, and not swaying into narcissism.
I write this in order to help you see something you might have missed.
The above line is an example of staying in your power. I could have said:
This is in order to help you see something you might have missed.
Do you see the difference? In using “I” I am staying in my authority. It definitely shows I am telling you this personally.
In the work place it is very easy to give away your authority in the way you communicate, especially in emails, with your body language, and with your self confidence (or lack of it).
The way you carry yourself and the manner in which you express your thoughts can significantly influence how others perceive your authority. For instance, if you frequently avoid making direct eye contact during conversations or presentations, it will signal to your colleagues and managers that you lack confidence in your ideas or position. This subtle form of body language will undermine your authority, as it can lead others to question your expertise or commitment to your work.
Also using a soft or hesitant tone when speaking can further diminish your authority. If your voice lacks conviction, or if you often use filler words such as "um", "er," or "like," it can create an impression of uncertainty. This is particularly important in meetings where assertiveness is key to establishing leadership and influence. When you fail to project a strong voice, it can be interpreted as a lack of knowledge or decisiveness, causing others to overlook you or dismiss your opinions.
Adopting closed body language such as crossing your arms or turning your body away from the speaker will create a barrier that communicates defensiveness or disinterest. This posture not only impacts how others interact with you but also how you perceive yourself in the conversation. If you physically close yourself off, you can reinforce feelings of insecurity, making it even harder to assert your authority.
The choice of words and phrases during communication plays a crucial role in establishing or relinquishing your authority. For instance, using qualifiers like "I think" or "maybe" can dilute the strength of your statements. Instead of presenting your ideas with confidence, such phrases make you seem uncertain or tentative. Instead, use more definitive language can enhance your credibility and convey a sense of assurance in yourself.
Giving away your power and authority in social situations can take on many forms. One common example is when people consistently defer to others in conversations, allowing their opinions and ideas to be overshadowed. This often occurs in group settings where one person dominates the discussion, and others may feel compelled to agree or remain silent, thus relinquishing their own voice and perspective.
Another example is when someone feels pressured to conform to the expectations or desires of a particular social group, sacrificing their own values or preferences to maintain harmony or acceptance. This can be seen in scenarios where people alter their behaviour, speech, or even fashion choices to fit in, ultimately diminishing their sense of individuality and authority within the group. In professional environments, employees may give away their power by not advocating for their own ideas or contributions during meetings. This can happen when they fear criticism or rejection, leading them to withhold valuable insights that could benefit the team or organisation.
The reluctance to assert yourself can create a cycle where others may overlook their capabilities, further entrenching the feeling of powerlessness. In relationships, people may unintentionally give away their authority by allowing their partners to make all the decisions, whether regarding finances, social engagements, or future plans. This can lead to an imbalance in the relationship, where one person feels more like a follower than an equal participant.
Don’t give away your power: I offer coaching that can help you navigate these situations in all areas of your life, and I can help you be more in your power and have more presence. Book your free call with me today.
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